I Will Survive

Author: Kaitelynn

Disclaimer: They're mine, I tell you , all mine. *pinches self* Okay, time to wake up. They aren't mine, but what a nice dream. They belong Joss and Mutant Enemy. The sone "I Will Survive" belongs to Gloria Gaynor and thousands of Karoake singers that perform it. I promise no harm will come to any of it.

Distribtution: If ya want it, take it.

Rating: PG

Category: Well, it's W/Oz(sorta) and W/A but Angel doesn't really make an appearance, although he is mentioned at the end.

Summary: Willow's POV after Oz returns six months after leaving.

Feedback: Okay, I know, I'm posting just way to much lately. Man gotta start actually finishing some of this stuff. But you all send me such wonderful feedback, and I love it so. Please continue so that my writing demon will continue to hound me for story time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned to carry on

I remember when Oz first left me. It was right after his cycle. Right after I had found out about him and that Veruca, werewolf chick. Right after she tried to kill me. I had come to see you in your room, only to discover you were packing. You were leaving. And you didn?t even have the decency to discuss it with me. You just said that it was something that you had to do.

That the wolf was part of you, and that you had to learn what that meant. I understood that. I was willing to help you with that, but you just left. I broke down in your room, refusing to leave until Buffy came and made me. I spent so much time wondering how I was supposed to go on when the one thing in my life that I had depended on so much, was gone.You and I were supposed to be together forever. You were my first real love. Xander doesn?t count, He was just a childhood crush that got too out of hand, but we worked through that.

We could have worked through this too, but you ran. You left me. You made me question myself. As a woman. As a lover. As a person. But I?ve learned how to move on. I had to or else I would have gone crazy. But so you?re back, from outer space
I just walked in to find you with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had thought for just one second you?d be back to bother me.

When I entered my dorm room, the last thing I expected was to see you sitting there as if the past six months hadn?t happened. You were just sitting on my bed, going through some of my books. How you got in, I still don?t know. Buffy denied doing it, although I have my doubts. I didn?t expect to see you again, not after everything that had happened. I knew you were in town though. I had seen the posters up around the Bronze announcing the Dingoes performance there. I hadn?t planned on going though. I didn?t want to see you, but you just showed up on my doorstep, like it was no big deal. Like you hadn?t left me so that you could "find yourself" Right now, I?m wishing that there was an uninvite spell for werewolves, instead of just vampires. Go on now go, walk out that door
Just turn around now
Cause you?re not welcome anymore
Weren?t you the one that tried to crush me with goodbye
You think I would crumble
You think I would lay down and die

I didn?t say anything to you. There was nothing to say. I had always thought that when if the time came that you and I would see each other, that I would finally have the nerve to tell you everything that you?re leaving had made me feel. But seeing you, sitting there, looking at me with those puppy dog eyes, doesn?t bother me anymore. It doesn?t effect me like I thought it would. You left because you had to figure things out for yourself. Make yourself stronger. Well, it worked for me too. I don?t need you in my life anymore. What we had is over. You left, knowing what it would do to me, but I?m not that same person anymore. I?ve grown up quite a bit since then. Oh no not I, I will survive
For as long as I know how to love
I know I?ll stay alive
I?ve got all my life to live
And I?ve got all my love to give
And I?ll survive
I will survive
I will survive

I?ve discovered things about myself since you left. I?ve discovered that I?m a survivor. That I?m strong. That I can handle things for myself better than I ever thought. That, even though the love I had for you wasn?t strong enough to keep you, that I can still give that love to someone. That as long as I am willing to not give up on love, like you, that I can go on. That I can have fun. That I can make friends. That I can live. No matter what, no one can take that away from me. Not even you. It took all the strength I had, not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent, oh so many nights, feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high

Okay, I admit it, I?m making it sound a lot easier than it really was. It wasn?t really. I mean, Buffy and the others even got tired of listening to me cry about what had happened between us. I even did a spell to make my will happen and I don?t even want to get started on what that caused. It wasn?t pretty. But it taught me something. It taught me that I had to take charge of my life. That whatever happens, I?m the one that has to make the things that I want to happen, actually happen. And I did. I went out and got what I had wanted since high school but was always too afraid to go after. I went out and I found love. And you see me, somebody new
I?m not that chained up little person still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
But now I?m saving all my loving
For someone who?s loving me

You looked surprised when I told you that I wasn?t interested in starting something new with you. That I hadn?t been pining away for you the entire time that you were gone. You had expected me to rush at you with open arms, professing my undying love and devotion to you. So sorry to shatter that little illusion for you. I?m not the same girl that you had left. I?m a completely different person.

You see, I?ve found someone else. Someone who loves me completely, no questions asked. Someone who is willing to stick around whenever a problem arises because he knows that if it effects him, then it effects me too. You know, that one thing that you couldn?t grasp. The fact that in a relationship, problems that arise effect both parties, not just one. Go on, now go, walk out that door
Just turn around now
Cause you?re not welcome anymore
Weren?t you the one that tried to hurt me with goodbye
You think I?d crumble
You think I?d lay down and die

I just walked over to the door, opening it again, telling you that I want you to leave. That I didn?t want you to just drop in whenever you thought it was necessary. I can?t handle that anymore. I don?t want to handle it anymore. I?m done crying over you. I?m done moping about because I couldn?t give you whatever it was that you wanted. You?ve not welcome in my life anymore. I?ve made peace with the past, it?s time for you to do the same. Go out and find someone else whose heart you can play with, because mine is taken. Oh no, not I, I will survive
For as long as I know how to love
I know I?ll stay alive
I?ve got all my life to live
And I?ve got all my love to give
And I?ll survive
I will survive
I will survive.

Oz looked on as Willow ushered him to the door. He had come back hoping that, just maybe, they could give their relationship another try. He was sure that she wasn?t over him yet. The love that they shared couldn?t easily be dismissed. But he could see it in her eyes. She was over him.

Sure, there was some part of her that would always care for him, but not the way that he wanted. She said that she had fallen for someone else and he wondered who it was.

"Who?" Oz asked, just as he reached the door.

"Who what?" Willow replied.

"Who is the new love of your life?"

"Angel," Willow stated. "He and I have been together for four months."

"How does Buffy feel about that?" Oz knew he shouldn?t be asking these questions. He had no right, but he didn?t want to leave her, not just yet.

"She isn?t happy about it, but she is surviving. She knows that Angel and I are in love and she is willing to accept that because she doesn?t want to lose our friendship. And she can see how happy Angel makes me. She can see how much he loves me."

"I?m happy for you, Willow." Oz said sadly, realizing finally that he had lost the one thing in his life that had meant the most to him. All because he was stupid enough to let her go. "Have a good life." With that said, Oz left Willow alone in her dorm room, where she mourned a past love while reveling in a new one.

The End